It happens at different times of my life that lyrics from a random song won't stop popping into my head. Last time it was If You Could Only See by Tonic. It had little to do with what was going on in my life at the time. In fact, I couldn't even understand the message despite the kinship I felt with the persona.
"If you could only see the way she loves me, maybe you would understand,
Why I feel this way about our love, and what I must do.
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says,
When she says she loves me."
To the best of my literary abilities, my guess was that this guy was trying to convince his friends how much his love for this girl was right despite how wrong it seemed otherwise. It got me so bad that I took out my guitar after years of not playing and learned how to play this single song.
Today (yesteday since its already 1am) it was Disease by Matchbox 20. I didn't even particularly like this song when I first heard it in high school. It was okay. I was used to Matchbox 20 being much more than okay. But today, the lyrics seem to have a depth that wasn't there before. Or maybe its I who now has the depth to understand what I couldn't understand before. Someone recently told me that a lover assigns things to events when there's really nothing there. I think she was quoting Shakespeare.
Regardless, the first two stanzas hit me particularly hard when I actually researched the lyrics. If I'd heard them six months ago, every encounter with anyone who might be reading this would have been different.
Here are they are:
Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebody's heart break
But now I have to let you go
I have to let you go
You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go
No one's ever turned you over
No one's tried
To ever let you down,
Beautiful girl
Bless your heart
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
Feels like you're making a mess
You're hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn
Every little thing you do is tragic
All my life, oh was magic
Beautiful girl
I can't breathe
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease
